did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I want to be your penis for a week.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?