don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
