Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize