If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
