We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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