In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
