i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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