I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
