Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
