you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
