she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
