I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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