every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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