McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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