i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
