put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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