I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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