Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
