i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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