Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
