john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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