so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
