Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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