How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
