he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
