I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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