is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
