Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize