Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
