Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
