I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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