You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize