I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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