CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
