Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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