i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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