Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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