I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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