who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I enjoy the company of your penis
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
