my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Randomize
