i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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