oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
