do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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