I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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