I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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