I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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