i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
