So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
