a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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