one might say we're banned from that church
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
