worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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