can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
