i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
