ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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