At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
