Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
