yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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