that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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