i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
