we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
