Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
